Ponderisms

PONDERISMS
~I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. ~Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
~The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
~Never take life seriously Nobody gets out alive anyway.
~There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
~Life is sexually transmitted.
~Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
~The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
~Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
~Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
~Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
~All of us could take a lesson from the weather.It pays no attention to criticism.
~In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
~How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? ~Who was the first person to crack open a live oyster that looks like a lumpy gray rock and say, 'That pulsing, slimy stuff looks delicious!'
~Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
~If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
~Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
~Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
~Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

....let me know if you have any answers to my ponderings?????